Lullaby Baby Carriers Blog

A friend of mine just had her first baby and she’s feeling a little distraught about the adjustment for both herself and the baby. I remember feeling really out of sorts and a bit nervous about being able to meet all the needs of my new baby too.

The truth is your newborn goes through a lot right after he’s born. Whether the birth was natural or assisted, he experiences a great deal of stress as he copes with the abrupt change in the world as he knows it. No wonder he’s a little out of sorts.

Remember to be kind to yourself too. It’s not uncommon for moms to feel out of sync with their babies in the first few weeks. You’ve also experienced a lot of stress and big life changes.

The first days home with baby can be trying. He’s adjusting. You’re adjusting. Everyone is a bundle of nerves. If you stay calm, however, these simple tips will ease the transition for both of you.

*Sing and talk to your baby. Your newborn begins to hear your voice while still growing inside you. By the time he is born, the familiarity of that sound has a remarkable calming effect. Talk to him, sing your favorite lullaby, and read books to him, especially stories that rhyme.

*Make eye contact. While baby’s do not have 20/20 vision at birth, they can see you. By making eye contact with your baby when you talk to or massage him, you are communicating with him, and if you watch his cues, you”ll learn how he communicates with you.

*Touch your baby. It’s natural act, yet so powerful. Stroke his arms, legs, head, and back. The sensations relax both of you and enhance your bonding. If possible, learn about infant massage techniques and incorporate them into your daily routine. Research suggests that simple massage strokes relieve colic and constipation, as well as help infants establish regular sleep patterns and form stronger bonds with their caregivers.

*Hold your baby close, often. Research shows that keeping your baby close is good for him. Of course you know I advocate for babywearing, so remember an easy way to help your baby thrive is to carry him in a baby carrier sling or baby wrap. Cuddled next to you, baby feels your warmth and the comforting beat of your heart. The familiar rhythm helps him relax and feel secure.

Using a baby sling also frees your arms and hands so that you can do a few things around the house, while still enjoying the benefit of snuggling with your baby. And that might help you feel calmer, too.

*Respond to your baby. It’s that simple. Though crying can be nerve-wracking, it’s the only way your baby has to let you know he needs something. He cries when he’s hungry; he cries when he’s wet; he cries when he hurts or doesn’t feel well; and he cries when he just doesn’t know what else to do.

While this barrage of bawling might make you feel like crying, too, the best thing to do is simply to respond to his needs. Pick him up, cuddle him, and try to figure out just what it is he needs. Soon you’ll recognize his cry for hunger over his pain cry and be able to soothe him by quickly filling the need.

Worried that you’ll spoil him? Don’t be. Meeting your baby’s needs is not spoiling him. By regularly responding to your newborn, you’re forming a healthy bond that makes him feel secure.

Don’t worry too much if you feel out of sync with your baby in the first few weeks – it’s a natural transition period. But communicating your love to him through all his senses goes a long way toward calming those delicate newborn nerves.

Nursing in a Cuddly Wrap

There are many benefits of breastfeeding, which is why there has been a great increase in the number of breastfeeding moms in recent years. Check out some these breastfeeding benefits to mom and baby:

Breastfeeding, like babywearing, provides a great bonding experience between mom and baby. Because mom is the only one able to feed the baby for at least the first few weeks of life they have more time to bond. The baby’s eyes can only focus about 8-10 inches away, which just happens to be how far from mom’s face they are when breastfeeding. The eye contact, skin to skin contact, and early interaction provide a wonderful bonding experience.  Fortunately, whether your breastfeeding or not, this bonding can be achieved to a large degree by using a baby wrap, or sling (great news for Dads!).

The colostrum or “first milk” for the baby is very important for health and immune development. Colostrum is produced in the first few days after giving birth and is more condensed than regular breast milk. The baby gets a lot of nutrients, vitamins and benefits of your immune system in colostrum.  In fact, colostrum is so good for health, it is now available to adults in pill form in some health food stores.

Breastfeeding is better overall for the health of mommy and baby. The baby continues to get nutrients and vitamins that mom takes in everyday, and is able to work up immunities to allergies through mom’s milk. As for mom, her body will go back to normal faster after childbirth by simply breastfeeding. It is a natural process that that helps mom and baby ease into natural health and well being.

In the mother, the uterus goes back to normal faster, shrinking back to its pre-pregnancy size. Because it happens faster there will be some mild cramping, usually felt during nursing sessions.

Many moms lose baby weight faster when they breastfeed. You will burn more calories everyday to keep up with the baby’s diet. You are feeding someone else and maintaining your own body systems so this means the extra calories you burn will help you lose the weight you gained during pregnancy faster than if you were bottle feeding.

Babies often thrive when fed breastmilk. Formula has synthetic vitamins and minerals, made in labs, and they aren’t as healthy as the ones that come from mom. Nothing can replace breast milk, it is naturally one of the most healthy things we can ingest.

Babies also use breastmilk to develop an immune system in early weeks. During the first few months and weeks of baby’s life he or she has no immune system of their own. By breastfeeding they are still using mom’s until they are able to build one of their own. This means less colds, less infections and overall a healthier beginning to life.

Breastfeeding has also been linked to a lower incidence of SIDS. Although scientists aren’t quite sure why, but the numbers show breastfeeding may very well offer protection against this mysterious phenomena.

The saying “breast is best” is still alive after all this time. If you have to formula feed, don’t feel guilty, but if you can breastfeed, even some, it will be completely worthwhile for you and your baby.

Recently I have been reading about “emotional intelligence,” which basically is about understanding and being able to regulate your emotions. One particular book I’m reading is about raising emotionally intelligent children, and I’ve found it supremely helpful in stopping tantrums!

If you’ve read anything else about dealing with tantrums you’ve probably heard the following tip:

*Ignore the tantrum.  This technique works best when at home.  In public places, you don’t want to ever leave your child unattended as a form of punishment.  Good behavior in public begins at home.  Ignoring a toddler is not harsh.  If your child is squirming on the floor screaming for a cookie, act as if you never noticed.  Eventually, they will get the hint and stop screaming.*

If your child is anything like mine, you’ve probably tried that technique with limited (if any) success. When it does work, it’s not without the fallout of you coming to the brink of a nervous breakdown because it’s nearly impossible to ignore the screaming and it takes so long to stop!

In John Gottman’s book, “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,” he says that dismissing the child’s emotional outburst is teaching them that their feelings are inappropriate or not valid, which in turn may teach them that there is something inherently wrong with them because of the way they feel.  This may make it difficult for them to learn to regulate their emotions as they grow up.  Instead he offers a 5 step process that basically asks you to be an “Emotion Coach” for your child.  The steps are:

1. Become aware of the child’s emotion: anger, sadness, frustration, stress, hurt, irritation, disgust, guilt, envy, regret, shame, pity, and also non-negative ones like happiness, affection, interest, excitement, pride, desire, love, and thankfulness.

2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching. Ignoring negative feelings rarely makes them go away.  Instead these feelings will dissipate when children (and even adults) can talk about their emotions, label them, and feel understood.

3. Listen empathetically, validating the child’s feelings. Reflect back what they tell you in a soothing, noncritical way, and use your heart to feel what they are feeling. If your child is really upset, you may need to just hold your child and let them cry for a few minutes before they will be ready to talk.

4. Help the child find words to label the emotion he is having. Studies show that being able to label emotions can soothe the nervous system and help children recover more quickly.  If you think about this, it makes perfect sense in your own life too.  I’ve personally found this works like a charm for my 3 year old!  But be careful not to tell him what YOU think he’s feeling – you might get a defiant “no!” You need to ask and offer ideas such as: are you feeling angry?  It seems like your feeling sad, is that true?  I see that you’re upset, are you frustrated about something?

5. Set limits while exploring solutions to the problem at hand. First make sure you set limits on bad behaviour, for example, “I understand you’re mad that Joey took that toy, but it’s not okay to hit him.  What can you do instead?”  Remember their feelings aren’t the problem, their misbehaviour is.  Next you want to help your child identify what they would like to accomplish related to the problem at hand – what is the goal?  With that in mind, help your child think of possible solutions to achieve the goal.  Then evaluate the proposed solutions based on your family’s values – is it fair, will it work, is it safe, how will it affect others?  Finally help your child choose a solution to try and a plan to follow through.  If it doesn’t work, help them learn why and start problem solving anew.

In essence, this technique is teaching children that it’s okay to have all kinds of emotions – everyone has them all – and it’s important to learn how to deal with them effectively to get along in the world. I’ve found this technique invaluable – it really works with all ages of kids!  You just have to adjust to their level of development and understanding.  A friend pointed out the similarity of this method to teaching a baby sign language.  Baby sign language is often promoted as a way to stop tantrums because your child has a way to communicate instead of getting frustrated.  Emotional coaching also offers your child the words to express themselves that they would otherwise feel frustrated about not being able to convey.

At first my husband thought this technique would encourage more crying because you’re giving the child attention, but after 3 years of trying the “ignore it and it will go away” method, we have both noticed an incredible (and I really mean incredible!) difference with our son since adopting emotional coaching.

Another concern of my husband’s was that the technique is too permissive.  He worried that our son would increase his demands for privileges because of our empathetic responses to his outbursts.  According to the author of the book, this should be addressed clearly in step 5 – setting limits.  Parents should let their child know what consequences he can expect for breaking rules or inappropriate behaviour.  It’s important to note, that if you’re an overly permissive parent, you will need to set some rules and stick to them, otherwise this method could backfire on you.

I’m so excited about this book, that I want everyone to know about it.  I highly recommend you pick up a copy of “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child – The Heart of Parenting” by John Gottman. (I’m NOT receiving any compensation for promoting it). It’s only about 200 pages, it provides lots of examples, talks about different parenting styles, and addresses how to deal with children of different ages too.

Now that you know how to effectively stop a tantrum that has already begun, here are more tips on avoiding them in the first place:

1. Avoid instant gratification. In public, toddlers throw tantrums when they are denied something that they want.  Some parents give in to keep their child quiet but a child learns quickly.  Tantrums will continue if they know you will cave.  Simply tell them “no” and keep moving.

2. Don’t get angry. When you scream and they scream the situation is wildly out of control.  You’ll end up crying and your toddler will still be screaming.  In any situation, raised voices mean civilized conversation has ended in favor of basic primal instincts.  Don’t revert back to the days of early man.  Keep using the same calm voice you use when they are behaving to get your child to calm down as well.

3. Praise your toddler when they behave well. Positive reinforcement is better than negative.  In the absence of positive attention a child will behave badly just to get some attention at all.  Acting out and throwing tantrums may be a cry for attention.  Don’t let it get to this point.  Clap and celebrate when they go to the potty successfully and when they put away their toys.  Good manners such as saying “please” and “thank you” deserve a smile and a hand clap as well.

4. Run errands after nap time. Kids get punchy when they get tired.  A toddler misbehaves more often if they are dragged around when they are tired.

5. Carry snacks with you. Low blood sugar can lead to tantrums.  If you are out longer than anticipated and lunch or dinner time is close at hand, let them eat a healthy snack to keep their hunger pains at bay and sugar levels stable.

6. Be consistent in your punishment. At home, you might use “time out” to deal with bad behavior.  In public do the same.  Sit your child on a bench for five minutes or take them to the car.  Eventually they will learn that you are not a pushover and they will begin to behave.

You will survive the toddler years.  Nip temper tantrums in the bud with the above tips.  And read up on raising emotionally intelligent children – the benefits FAR exceed the one small example I’ve given about dealing with tantrums – you will be giving your child a much brighter future in more ways than you can imagine!

Baby Wrap

Your tiny newborn needs constant assurance that you are there for her.  Your presence and your touch reassure her that she is safe and loved. But sometimes carrying a fretful or colicky baby can drain your energy especially if you have other things to do during the day.  The solution?  A baby wrap.

Babies who are frequently carried and cuddled are happier and they grow up confident and independent.  They cry less and are healthier than babies who are not often carried by their parents.  A baby wrap keeps your little one close to your body, where she’s warm and secure and it’s easy to wear, so it is perfect for both of you.

A baby wrap also makes it easier for Dads to bond with their infants because it is no longer scary for them to carry a tiny infant. Yes, some dads are scared of carrying their newborn infants for fear they might harm the precious cargo.  Wrap baby carriers are made from stretchy or non-stretchy material and can be tied to securely support the child in a number of different positions, depending on age and preference.  Because you can adjust the tension and “snugness” of the carrier, you need not worry about dropping the baby.

With a wrap, you can adjust your babywearing style as your child grows older.  For a newborn up to five months old, it is best to carry baby on your front.  In this position, newborns will have their knees drawn up. As the child grows older you can adjust the wrap for side or back carrying.

You can wear baby beautifully in multiple ways.  Front, back, facing out, or facing in, you can also carry a child weighing up to 40 lbs.  With the right length of wrap you can carry your bundle of joy in many ways from day one until toddlerhood.

A baby wrap has none of the buckles and rings that can be uncomfortable after long periods of carrying the baby.  It is easy on your shoulders and back and the wide swath of cloth on your shoulders secures the child’s weight.  Wrapped around your torso, their weight is distributed evenly over your hips, making it easier on your back. The long length of cloth gives you a sense of security because you wrap it around your torso and shoulders and tie it to secure its hold on the baby.

Bonding with your baby is one of the tenets of Attachment Parenting and the first step to help your child become well-adjusted. Because she is always with a mobile parent, your child’s primal need to survive is met and she learns to socialize much younger.  Since she is carried all the time in an upright position, the baby’s head will not be at risk of the flattening deformation that can occur with infants who spend a lot of time laying down flat or in a carseat, bouncy chair or stroller.

A baby wrap does not work only for your child’s benefit.  It gives you and your partner more flexibility when caring for your baby and strengthens the bond between you and your child.

Babywearing is not new.  It’s not a fad.  Babywearing has been around for hundreds of years and it provides lots of great benefits for both parents and babies.

One obvious benefit is that babies are comforted by being kept in close contact with their mom or dad (or caregiver). Sure, you could put your baby in a stroller, but using a baby carrier allows your baby to be snuggled up to you and enjoy your warmth and familiar smell.  It is less intimidating for them to view the world from there, than from a stroller where they are being pushed towards the unknown and they can’t even see you.  Babies are less likely to cry when you wear them, because they feel content and secure.

Studies have shown that babies who have been “worn” are more likely to develop their communication and social skills faster.  Keeping them close to you allows them to see the expressions on your face and learn about body language.  They often learn to speak faster as well; you more likely to talk with your baby as you go through the day, which will help them to develop faster socially.

Another benefit of babywearing is that your baby is less likely to develop plagiocephaly or ‘flat head syndrome.’  This occurs to babies that spend too much time in strollers or car seats in addition to sleeping on their back. While babies should sleep on their back to prevent SIDS, you need to be careful how they are positioned while they are awake because the baby’s head is so soft.  This can be prevented by using a baby carrier.

Babywearing offers lots of benefits to parents as well.  Wearing your baby allows you to have your hands free, so you can get things done that would otherwise be difficult to do without interruption. When you go out, instead of dealing with that big stroller, you will only have a piece of cloth to keep with you, which easily folds up when you are not using it. You can even breastfeed hands free. Moms also benefit from the closeness of their baby, which can help to alleviate problems with postpartum depression because babies are kept close without having to interact with them all the time.  The bond that is created will benefit both mom and baby in the long run.

So, make sure that you take the time to look into babywearing closely; it may be just what you and your baby need.  For more information, please check out the posts under the babywearing and attachment parenting categories on the right.  Also check out www.babywearinginternational.org.

Someone asked me the other day, how babywearing can contribute to better behaviour as the child gets older.  I knew enough to say that when the parent and child have a solid, loving bond (which using a baby carrier helps to build), the child feels safer, respected, and better able to cope with difficulties that come up.

Today, I decided to try to find some research to back that up and the first thing I came across was this article.  So I thought I’d post it for all to see.

I’d love to hear your comments!

Close Ties Between Parents and Babies Benefit Young Children

ScienceDaily (Feb. 7, 2008) — Having close ties with parents is obviously good for young children, but what does that really mean? It means that the children are better able to control their own behavior by showing patience, deliberation, restraint, and even maturity. That’s the finding of a new study conducted by researchers at the University of Iowa.

The researchers looked at 102 mostly white families–mothers, fathers, and babies–who had volunteered for the study from the time the children were 7 months old until they were almost 4 and a half years old. Repeated observations were carried out in the families’ homes and in a laboratory. In the first two years, the researchers observed how parents and children related to each other, particularly whether they were in sync, picked up on each other’s cues, communicated well, and enjoyed each other’s company. In short, they gauged whether the parents and children had developed a close, positive, reciprocal, cooperative, and mutually responsive relationship.

When the children were 4 years and 4 months old, the researchers observed how the children responded when they were told not to do something by a parent when the parent then left the room. They also observed how the children did on tasks that called for self-regulation–patience, deliberation, restraint, and maturity of impulses–such as being asked to hold a small piece of candy in their mouths without eating it.

The study found that children who had developed a close, positive, reciprocal, and mutually responsive relationship with their mothers in the first two years of their lives did much better in both respects–responding to their mothers’ requests not to do something and regulating their own behavior–than children who hadn’t developed such ties.

The researchers also explored how mutually responsive relationships between mothers and children worked. When mothers and babies develop this closeness in the first two years, the study found, mothers don’t need to use forceful discipline later to get their children to do what they ask and refrain from other behaviors. And in turn, subtle control on the part of the mothers leads to better, more compliant, and more self-regulated behavior.

Some of these findings were similar for fathers and children. Mutually responsive, positive relationships between fathers and children in the first two years of life also were associated with children’s better performance in tasks that called for self-regulation when the children were 4 and a half. However, in contrast to mothers and children, the reasons for the father-child link were less clear. Relationships between fathers and children in general have been studied much less than those between mothers and children, and more research is needed to understand their dynamics.

“Most parents know that when they interact with their infant and young toddler, they are laying important foundations for the child’s future development,” according to Grazyna Kochanska, Stuit Professor of Developmental Psychology at the University of Iowa and the lead author of the study. “Now we have a better understanding of what that really means. Your investment in building a mutually responsive, positive, close relationship early on will generate considerable payoff several years later.”

Journal reference: Child Development, Vol. 79, Issue 1, Mother-Child and Father-Child Mutually Responsive Orientation in the First Two Years and Children’s Outcomes: Mechanisms of Influence, by Kochanska, G, Aksan, N, Prisco, TR, and Adams, EE (University of Iowa).

The study was funded, in part, by the National Institute of Mental Health.

Attachment parenting is a philosophy on parenting that was developed by famed pediatrician William Sears.  The philosophy that is espoused by Dr. Sears is based on the theory of attachment that is a part of developmental psychology. Many parents have chosen to follow this philosophy as a way to build a bond with their child that will last a lifetime.

The theory of attachment parenting requires parents to promote and live by the eight principles that Dr. Sears developed to help parents achieve this bond with their children.

1.            Preparing for the pregnancy, the birth of the child and parenting that child after the birth.

2.            Feeding the child with respect and love.

3.            Respond to the child with sensitivity and respect.

4.            Touch your child in a nurturing way.

5.            Help the child feel safe emotionally and physically during sleep.

6.            Be consistent in the care that is provided in a loving way.

7.            Discipline children positively.

8.            Work toward a balance in your personal life and family life.

The attachment parenting theory also promotes closeness between parents and children when they are babies and older.  Babywearing is one of the ways that many parents have found to be extremely helpful in keeping their children close to them at all times.  Children require touch and love from their parents and wearing your child in a baby sling, baby wrap, or baby carriers backpack is a fabulous way to ensure that your child is right next to you whenever they need you.

The family bed and co-sleeping are also a method that is used to help children feel secure and emotionally cared for while they are sleeping.  Keeping children close by where you will be able to respond to their needs immediately is the best way to encourage the strong bond that can be achieved with attachment parenting.

Home schooling and stay at home parents are encouraged in attachment parenting.  What is consistent among all of the methods that are used by parents is that they are readily available to their children in a loving and nurturing way.  From babywearing to being home for the care of your child, all parents who are practicing attachment parenting are working to make sure that they are always there for their child.

Whether you choose to follow all of the principles of attachment parenting or only include a couple of the methods in your parenting, there are some great things to be learned from this theory.  The work that has been done by Dr. Sears has shown parents all over how important those formative years are and how important the loving care of parents really is to children.

Choosing a few of the methods to bring into your own life can have a profound effect on your child’s emotional and physical development.  Using a baby carrier is a wonderful way to keep your baby close where they need to be.  You are the whole world to your child and understanding the powerful need that your child has and responding to it with babywearing is a great way to reassure your child that you will always be there whenever they need you.

With so many great baby carriers on the market today, it can certainly be difficult to choose the one that’s best for you and your child.  This article presents a series of questions to help you narrow down your choices.

What is most comfortable for you?

It’s important to consider your personal comfort first when deciding on a baby carrier; after all, if you’re not comfortable with it you probably won’t use it. There are certainly enough babywearing options available to find one that meets both you and your baby’s needs.

First you need to ask whether you prefer the baby’s weight to be balanced over both shoulders or just one. Many people like the quick and easy one-shoulder sling, whereas others need the baby’s weight to be distributed evenly over both shoulders to be comfortable.

Also, if more than one parent will be using the carrier, you may want to look for one that can be adjusted quickly and easily; some baby carriers are sized to fit only one wearer.

How much time will you spend learning how to use it?

If you’re committed to spending some time mastering a baby wrap, it is by far the most versatile carrier, accommodating multiple positions and age ranges.  However, many people would prefer something quicker and easier like simple baby carriers slings.

What stage or age is your child?

Some baby carriers are more suitable for carrying newborns and even for breast feeding, while others, which distribute weight differently or allow for back-carrying, may work better for older children.

You might prefer to invest in two carriers to meet different needs and ages, or perhaps you are hoping to find one that is designed for use from birth through to toddler.  Some carriers, such as the baby wrap, are more flexible than others, offering various carrying positions designed for use from birth through to toddler.

What will you use your baby carrier for?

Are you looking for a carrier to run quick errands, pick up older children from school, or for discreet hands-free nursing? In these cases, baby carriers slings may be a good choice because they are easy to get on and off as needed and are best for breastfeeding.

If you plan to carry your child during longer periods such as while shopping, hiking or working, then baby carriers backpacks, which support your child’s weight over two-shoulders or displace some of the weight to your hips may be a better option.

Do you have more than one child or a fussy child that would require a variety of carrying positions?  A baby carrier that is easily adjustable may be most important to you.

Size and portability are another consideration.  Do you need it to fit in your purse for quick and frequent access, or are you going to wear it for long periods of time when size is less of an issue?

What is your budget?

Obviously, cost may affect some parents’ choice of baby carriers, but you can still get a great carrier on a small budget.  Simple ring or pouch slings will be more affordable than baby carriers backpacks and you’ll still get all the benefits of babywearing.

If your budget allows for more, you can splurge on luxury designs and fabrics, or even purchase more than one baby carrier for different activities or different stages of your child’s growth. While this may sound extravagant, if you consider the high cost of a luxury stroller, two baby carriers are a relatively small investment.  Moreover, many parents find they end up using their baby carriers more than they expected – for some, even more than their stroller.

What is your style preference?

Do you have a penchant for a certain carrier style, fabric or print?  If you’re uncertain about your ability to master the tying techniques of a baby wrap, you may opt for a sling. Or perhaps you love the traditional look of a Mai Tai baby carrier. Whatever your inclination, you’ll certainly be able to find a carrier that will suit your needs for practicality, comfort and style.

What should you look for in a soft carrier?

• Strong and completely washable fabric
• Well finished seams and stress-points where the straps fasten to the pack
• Ease of use and good fit
• Heavy duty fasteners such as rings or buckles
• Easily adjustable to fit a growing baby
• A means to support baby’s head

What should you look for in rigid framed baby carriers backpacks ?

• Thick shoulder pads
• Padded hip belt to redistribute the weight from your shoulders to your hips
• A comfortable seat design for baby – doesn’t force baby’s legs apart or have the seat below the leg holes, which may cut off circulation
• Sturdy seat belt to prevent baby from standing up in the carrier
• Padding on the front rail to protect baby’s face from the carrier frame as you walk
• Sturdy stretch-resistant, easy to clean fabric, with reinforced seams at stress points
• A storage section on the back or base of the pack
• A support stand to help you load the baby in the pack and set them down again

Is there a “perfect” baby carrier?

All styles of baby carriers have their advantages and disadvantages and unfortunately no single carrier serves every purpose perfectly. After considering your own needs you simply have to select the one that suits you best. Try not to get too hung up on finding the perfect baby carrier. Just relax and enjoy the lifetime of benefits that come from wearing your baby close to you.