Lullaby Baby Carriers Blog

Nursing in a Cuddly Wrap

There are many benefits of breastfeeding, which is why there has been a great increase in the number of breastfeeding moms in recent years. Check out some these breastfeeding benefits to mom and baby:

Breastfeeding, like babywearing, provides a great bonding experience between mom and baby. Because mom is the only one able to feed the baby for at least the first few weeks of life they have more time to bond. The baby’s eyes can only focus about 8-10 inches away, which just happens to be how far from mom’s face they are when breastfeeding. The eye contact, skin to skin contact, and early interaction provide a wonderful bonding experience.  Fortunately, whether your breastfeeding or not, this bonding can be achieved to a large degree by using a baby wrap, or sling (great news for Dads!).

The colostrum or “first milk” for the baby is very important for health and immune development. Colostrum is produced in the first few days after giving birth and is more condensed than regular breast milk. The baby gets a lot of nutrients, vitamins and benefits of your immune system in colostrum.  In fact, colostrum is so good for health, it is now available to adults in pill form in some health food stores.

Breastfeeding is better overall for the health of mommy and baby. The baby continues to get nutrients and vitamins that mom takes in everyday, and is able to work up immunities to allergies through mom’s milk. As for mom, her body will go back to normal faster after childbirth by simply breastfeeding. It is a natural process that that helps mom and baby ease into natural health and well being.

In the mother, the uterus goes back to normal faster, shrinking back to its pre-pregnancy size. Because it happens faster there will be some mild cramping, usually felt during nursing sessions.

Many moms lose baby weight faster when they breastfeed. You will burn more calories everyday to keep up with the baby’s diet. You are feeding someone else and maintaining your own body systems so this means the extra calories you burn will help you lose the weight you gained during pregnancy faster than if you were bottle feeding.

Babies often thrive when fed breastmilk. Formula has synthetic vitamins and minerals, made in labs, and they aren’t as healthy as the ones that come from mom. Nothing can replace breast milk, it is naturally one of the most healthy things we can ingest.

Babies also use breastmilk to develop an immune system in early weeks. During the first few months and weeks of baby’s life he or she has no immune system of their own. By breastfeeding they are still using mom’s until they are able to build one of their own. This means less colds, less infections and overall a healthier beginning to life.

Breastfeeding has also been linked to a lower incidence of SIDS. Although scientists aren’t quite sure why, but the numbers show breastfeeding may very well offer protection against this mysterious phenomena.

The saying “breast is best” is still alive after all this time. If you have to formula feed, don’t feel guilty, but if you can breastfeed, even some, it will be completely worthwhile for you and your baby.

Recently I have been reading about “emotional intelligence,” which basically is about understanding and being able to regulate your emotions. One particular book I’m reading is about raising emotionally intelligent children, and I’ve found it supremely helpful in stopping tantrums!

If you’ve read anything else about dealing with tantrums you’ve probably heard the following tip:

*Ignore the tantrum.  This technique works best when at home.  In public places, you don’t want to ever leave your child unattended as a form of punishment.  Good behavior in public begins at home.  Ignoring a toddler is not harsh.  If your child is squirming on the floor screaming for a cookie, act as if you never noticed.  Eventually, they will get the hint and stop screaming.*

If your child is anything like mine, you’ve probably tried that technique with limited (if any) success. When it does work, it’s not without the fallout of you coming to the brink of a nervous breakdown because it’s nearly impossible to ignore the screaming and it takes so long to stop!

In John Gottman’s book, “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,” he says that dismissing the child’s emotional outburst is teaching them that their feelings are inappropriate or not valid, which in turn may teach them that there is something inherently wrong with them because of the way they feel.  This may make it difficult for them to learn to regulate their emotions as they grow up.  Instead he offers a 5 step process that basically asks you to be an “Emotion Coach” for your child.  The steps are:

1. Become aware of the child’s emotion: anger, sadness, frustration, stress, hurt, irritation, disgust, guilt, envy, regret, shame, pity, and also non-negative ones like happiness, affection, interest, excitement, pride, desire, love, and thankfulness.

2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching. Ignoring negative feelings rarely makes them go away.  Instead these feelings will dissipate when children (and even adults) can talk about their emotions, label them, and feel understood.

3. Listen empathetically, validating the child’s feelings. Reflect back what they tell you in a soothing, noncritical way, and use your heart to feel what they are feeling. If your child is really upset, you may need to just hold your child and let them cry for a few minutes before they will be ready to talk.

4. Help the child find words to label the emotion he is having. Studies show that being able to label emotions can soothe the nervous system and help children recover more quickly.  If you think about this, it makes perfect sense in your own life too.  I’ve personally found this works like a charm for my 3 year old!  But be careful not to tell him what YOU think he’s feeling – you might get a defiant “no!” You need to ask and offer ideas such as: are you feeling angry?  It seems like your feeling sad, is that true?  I see that you’re upset, are you frustrated about something?

5. Set limits while exploring solutions to the problem at hand. First make sure you set limits on bad behaviour, for example, “I understand you’re mad that Joey took that toy, but it’s not okay to hit him.  What can you do instead?”  Remember their feelings aren’t the problem, their misbehaviour is.  Next you want to help your child identify what they would like to accomplish related to the problem at hand – what is the goal?  With that in mind, help your child think of possible solutions to achieve the goal.  Then evaluate the proposed solutions based on your family’s values – is it fair, will it work, is it safe, how will it affect others?  Finally help your child choose a solution to try and a plan to follow through.  If it doesn’t work, help them learn why and start problem solving anew.

In essence, this technique is teaching children that it’s okay to have all kinds of emotions – everyone has them all – and it’s important to learn how to deal with them effectively to get along in the world. I’ve found this technique invaluable – it really works with all ages of kids!  You just have to adjust to their level of development and understanding.  A friend pointed out the similarity of this method to teaching a baby sign language.  Baby sign language is often promoted as a way to stop tantrums because your child has a way to communicate instead of getting frustrated.  Emotional coaching also offers your child the words to express themselves that they would otherwise feel frustrated about not being able to convey.

At first my husband thought this technique would encourage more crying because you’re giving the child attention, but after 3 years of trying the “ignore it and it will go away” method, we have both noticed an incredible (and I really mean incredible!) difference with our son since adopting emotional coaching.

Another concern of my husband’s was that the technique is too permissive.  He worried that our son would increase his demands for privileges because of our empathetic responses to his outbursts.  According to the author of the book, this should be addressed clearly in step 5 – setting limits.  Parents should let their child know what consequences he can expect for breaking rules or inappropriate behaviour.  It’s important to note, that if you’re an overly permissive parent, you will need to set some rules and stick to them, otherwise this method could backfire on you.

I’m so excited about this book, that I want everyone to know about it.  I highly recommend you pick up a copy of “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child – The Heart of Parenting” by John Gottman. (I’m NOT receiving any compensation for promoting it). It’s only about 200 pages, it provides lots of examples, talks about different parenting styles, and addresses how to deal with children of different ages too.

Now that you know how to effectively stop a tantrum that has already begun, here are more tips on avoiding them in the first place:

1. Avoid instant gratification. In public, toddlers throw tantrums when they are denied something that they want.  Some parents give in to keep their child quiet but a child learns quickly.  Tantrums will continue if they know you will cave.  Simply tell them “no” and keep moving.

2. Don’t get angry. When you scream and they scream the situation is wildly out of control.  You’ll end up crying and your toddler will still be screaming.  In any situation, raised voices mean civilized conversation has ended in favor of basic primal instincts.  Don’t revert back to the days of early man.  Keep using the same calm voice you use when they are behaving to get your child to calm down as well.

3. Praise your toddler when they behave well. Positive reinforcement is better than negative.  In the absence of positive attention a child will behave badly just to get some attention at all.  Acting out and throwing tantrums may be a cry for attention.  Don’t let it get to this point.  Clap and celebrate when they go to the potty successfully and when they put away their toys.  Good manners such as saying “please” and “thank you” deserve a smile and a hand clap as well.

4. Run errands after nap time. Kids get punchy when they get tired.  A toddler misbehaves more often if they are dragged around when they are tired.

5. Carry snacks with you. Low blood sugar can lead to tantrums.  If you are out longer than anticipated and lunch or dinner time is close at hand, let them eat a healthy snack to keep their hunger pains at bay and sugar levels stable.

6. Be consistent in your punishment. At home, you might use “time out” to deal with bad behavior.  In public do the same.  Sit your child on a bench for five minutes or take them to the car.  Eventually they will learn that you are not a pushover and they will begin to behave.

You will survive the toddler years.  Nip temper tantrums in the bud with the above tips.  And read up on raising emotionally intelligent children – the benefits FAR exceed the one small example I’ve given about dealing with tantrums – you will be giving your child a much brighter future in more ways than you can imagine!

Someone asked me the other day, how babywearing can contribute to better behaviour as the child gets older.  I knew enough to say that when the parent and child have a solid, loving bond (which using a baby carrier helps to build), the child feels safer, respected, and better able to cope with difficulties that come up.

Today, I decided to try to find some research to back that up and the first thing I came across was this article.  So I thought I’d post it for all to see.

I’d love to hear your comments!

Close Ties Between Parents and Babies Benefit Young Children

ScienceDaily (Feb. 7, 2008) — Having close ties with parents is obviously good for young children, but what does that really mean? It means that the children are better able to control their own behavior by showing patience, deliberation, restraint, and even maturity. That’s the finding of a new study conducted by researchers at the University of Iowa.

The researchers looked at 102 mostly white families–mothers, fathers, and babies–who had volunteered for the study from the time the children were 7 months old until they were almost 4 and a half years old. Repeated observations were carried out in the families’ homes and in a laboratory. In the first two years, the researchers observed how parents and children related to each other, particularly whether they were in sync, picked up on each other’s cues, communicated well, and enjoyed each other’s company. In short, they gauged whether the parents and children had developed a close, positive, reciprocal, cooperative, and mutually responsive relationship.

When the children were 4 years and 4 months old, the researchers observed how the children responded when they were told not to do something by a parent when the parent then left the room. They also observed how the children did on tasks that called for self-regulation–patience, deliberation, restraint, and maturity of impulses–such as being asked to hold a small piece of candy in their mouths without eating it.

The study found that children who had developed a close, positive, reciprocal, and mutually responsive relationship with their mothers in the first two years of their lives did much better in both respects–responding to their mothers’ requests not to do something and regulating their own behavior–than children who hadn’t developed such ties.

The researchers also explored how mutually responsive relationships between mothers and children worked. When mothers and babies develop this closeness in the first two years, the study found, mothers don’t need to use forceful discipline later to get their children to do what they ask and refrain from other behaviors. And in turn, subtle control on the part of the mothers leads to better, more compliant, and more self-regulated behavior.

Some of these findings were similar for fathers and children. Mutually responsive, positive relationships between fathers and children in the first two years of life also were associated with children’s better performance in tasks that called for self-regulation when the children were 4 and a half. However, in contrast to mothers and children, the reasons for the father-child link were less clear. Relationships between fathers and children in general have been studied much less than those between mothers and children, and more research is needed to understand their dynamics.

“Most parents know that when they interact with their infant and young toddler, they are laying important foundations for the child’s future development,” according to Grazyna Kochanska, Stuit Professor of Developmental Psychology at the University of Iowa and the lead author of the study. “Now we have a better understanding of what that really means. Your investment in building a mutually responsive, positive, close relationship early on will generate considerable payoff several years later.”

Journal reference: Child Development, Vol. 79, Issue 1, Mother-Child and Father-Child Mutually Responsive Orientation in the First Two Years and Children’s Outcomes: Mechanisms of Influence, by Kochanska, G, Aksan, N, Prisco, TR, and Adams, EE (University of Iowa).

The study was funded, in part, by the National Institute of Mental Health.

Attachment parenting is a philosophy on parenting that was developed by famed pediatrician William Sears.  The philosophy that is espoused by Dr. Sears is based on the theory of attachment that is a part of developmental psychology. Many parents have chosen to follow this philosophy as a way to build a bond with their child that will last a lifetime.

The theory of attachment parenting requires parents to promote and live by the eight principles that Dr. Sears developed to help parents achieve this bond with their children.

1.            Preparing for the pregnancy, the birth of the child and parenting that child after the birth.

2.            Feeding the child with respect and love.

3.            Respond to the child with sensitivity and respect.

4.            Touch your child in a nurturing way.

5.            Help the child feel safe emotionally and physically during sleep.

6.            Be consistent in the care that is provided in a loving way.

7.            Discipline children positively.

8.            Work toward a balance in your personal life and family life.

The attachment parenting theory also promotes closeness between parents and children when they are babies and older.  Babywearing is one of the ways that many parents have found to be extremely helpful in keeping their children close to them at all times.  Children require touch and love from their parents and wearing your child in a baby sling, baby wrap, or baby carriers backpack is a fabulous way to ensure that your child is right next to you whenever they need you.

The family bed and co-sleeping are also a method that is used to help children feel secure and emotionally cared for while they are sleeping.  Keeping children close by where you will be able to respond to their needs immediately is the best way to encourage the strong bond that can be achieved with attachment parenting.

Home schooling and stay at home parents are encouraged in attachment parenting.  What is consistent among all of the methods that are used by parents is that they are readily available to their children in a loving and nurturing way.  From babywearing to being home for the care of your child, all parents who are practicing attachment parenting are working to make sure that they are always there for their child.

Whether you choose to follow all of the principles of attachment parenting or only include a couple of the methods in your parenting, there are some great things to be learned from this theory.  The work that has been done by Dr. Sears has shown parents all over how important those formative years are and how important the loving care of parents really is to children.

Choosing a few of the methods to bring into your own life can have a profound effect on your child’s emotional and physical development.  Using a baby carrier is a wonderful way to keep your baby close where they need to be.  You are the whole world to your child and understanding the powerful need that your child has and responding to it with babywearing is a great way to reassure your child that you will always be there whenever they need you.